When Nice Is Not Enough

Relax

One of the most attractive words used to describe the person of interest with whom we want to enjoy an intimate relationship is the word “nice”. When we decide that our love interest is pleasant, good, kind, polite, or fine (yes – I’m talking about good-looking), there is little that can deter us from pursuing the relationship we desire. We believe that “nice” is the affirmation needed in order to proceed to the next level. Once we define him or her as nice, the sense of entitlement enters the picture even when we’re desperately trying to exercise restraint. He or she is “nice”, so we must have this person in our lives. If they are attractive and nice, then we must definitely have them close to us. When they tell us they think we’re nice — Jackpot, it’s a mutual attraction and visions of happily-ever-after burst onto the scene. If for some reason there is the threat of competitors, some of us become panicked and believe nice is good enough to seal the deal before someone else steals Mr. or Ms. Nice. We may make the hasty decision that anything else needed in order to sustain the relationship will come later (big mistake). If someone asks us what this person is like, we’re anxious to lead off with the response, “Oh, he/she is so nice.” The word nice, for┬ásome of us, sums it all up. Well, what happens when nice is not enough? This may be a difficult pill to swallow, but nice is not always enough.

Let me point out something very interesting. When you consider the word “nice” in terms of its most basic definition, it can be quite ordinary. If it is pleasant, good, polite, or fine, there is nothing that speaks to passion, extraordinary, awesome, or great. There is nothing that speaks to substance or longevity. “Nice” does not describe the ultimate pleasure. Yet, whenever we’re trying to convince ourselves or others why “nice” is good enough, our reference to the word is used as if it’s interchangeable with passionate, awesome, great, out-of-this-world, or anything else that goes far beyond ordinary. We take the leap from defining someone or something as “nice” to catapulting it into a sphere far beyond the scope of its definition. For some of us, “nice” is the assurance that the relationship will be everything we fantasized about. This notion is contradictory because “nice” is basic and our fantasies are never basic. No one gets excited over a basic fantasy.

So when is “nice” not enough? I can think of a few scenarios: When two people desire a commitment that goes far beyond casual; When you want your love-interest to have no regrets, reservations, or questions about spending the rest of his/her life with you- especially if you’re planning on living a very long life; When you need the comfort, care, and support of the individual to whom you have entrusted your well-being and you are not well; When you need unwavering support during a period of test, trial, or tribulation; When you want the slightest touch from your partner to convey far more than the touch itself – the kind of touch that reaches the soul; or when you want to see a smile on his/her face that matches the wonderful feeling you have inside just thinking about the time the two of you spend together. This level of commitment, depth of love, degree of stamina, soul-stirring touch, and mutual passion calls for far more than “nice”. Be honest with yourself. When you started out by describing him or her as “nice”; when you envisioned where the relationship was going, when you decided to forsake all others and commit solely to this person, you expected much more than “nice”. So don’t hold back. “Nice” is a wonderful attribute to have. It tells you that you at least have something to work with. But when you want much more, “nice” doesn’t hold a candle to an awesome, soul-stirring, passionate, and love-of-my-life kind of experience.

One of the most attractive words used to describe the person of interest with whom we want to enjoy an intimate relationship is the word “nice”. When we decide that our love interest is pleasant, good, kind, polite, or fine (yes – I’m talking about good-looking), there is little that can deter us from pursuing the relationship we desire. We believe that “nice” is the affirmation needed in order to proceed to the next level. Once we define him or her as nice, the sense of entitlement enters the picture even when we’re desperately trying to exercise restraint. He or she is “nice”, so we must have this person in our lives. If they are attractive and nice, then we must definitely have them close to us. When they tell us they think we’re nice — Jackpot, it’s a mutual attraction and visions of happily-ever-after burst onto the scene. If for some reason, there is the threat of competitors, some of us become panicked and believe nice is good enough to seal the deal before someone else steals Mr. or Ms. Nice. We may make the hasty decision that anything else needed in order to sustain the relationship will come later (big mistake). If someone asks us what this person is like, we are anxious to lead off with the response, “Oh, he/she is so nice.” The word nice, for a lot of us, sums it all up. Well, what happens when nice is not enough? This may be a difficult pill to swallow, but nice is not always enough.

Let me point out something very interesting. When you consider the word “nice” in terms of its most basic definition, it can be quite ordinary. If it is pleasant, good, polite, or fine, there is nothing that speaks to passion, extraordinary, awesome, or great. There is nothing that speaks to substance or longevity. “Nice” does not describe the ultimate pleasure. Yet, whenever we’re trying to convince ourselves or others why “nice” is good enough, our reference to the word is used as if it’s interchangeable with passionate, awesome, great, out-of-this-world, or anything else that goes far beyond ordinary. We take the leap from defining someone or something as “nice” to catapulting it into a sphere far beyond the scope of its definition. For some of us, “nice” is the assurance that the relationship will be everything we fantasized about. This notion is contradictory because “nice” is basic and our fantasies are never basic. No one gets excited over a basic fantasy.

So when is “nice” not enough? I can think of a few scenarios: When two people desire a commitment that goes far beyond casual; When you want your love-interest to have no regrets, reservations, or questions about spending the rest of his/her life with you- especially if you’re planning on living a very long life; When you need the comfort, care, and support of the individual to whom you have entrusted your well-being and you are not well; When you need unwavering support during a period of test, trial, or tribulation; When you want the slightest touch from your partner to convey far more than the touch itself – the kind of touch that reaches the soul; or when you want to see a smile on his/her face that matches the wonderful feeling you have inside just thinking about the time the two of you spend together. This level of commitment, depth of love, degree of stamina, soul-stirring touch, and mutual passion calls for far more than “nice”. Be honest with yourself. When you started out by describing him or her as “nice”; when you envisioned where the relationship was going, when you decided to forsake all others and commit solely to this person, you expected much more than “nice”. So don’t hold back. “Nice” is a wonderful attribute to have. It tells you that you at least have something to work with. But when you want much more, “nice” doesn’t hold a candle to an awesome, soul-stirring, passionate, and love-of-my-life kind of experience.

 

 

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